Beer Troubleshooting

1 Problem: You can no longer feel the taste of beer. The feeling of satisfaction has disappeared. The beer appears to have become colorless.
Possible Cause: Your glass may be empty.
Solution: Quickly find someone willing to buy you another glass of beer.

2 Problem: The taste is gone. So is the warm feeling. Your shirt feels somewhat wet from the collar down.
Possible Cause: Your mouth may be closed. Alternatively, you may be missing your mouth with your glass.
Solution: Regular practice sessions in front of the mirror are recommended.

3 Problem: Your feet feel wet and cold.
Possible Cause: Your glass/mug/can/bottle is oriented upside down.
Solution: Position your beer so that the frothy part is pointed towards the ceiling.

4 Problem: Your feet feel wet and warm.
Possible Cause: You suffer from insufficient bladder control.
Solution: Drink your beer in the vicinity of a dog (make sure it has a collar). After your "accident", request the owner of the dog make reparations in the form of beer.

5 Problem: The floor looks blurry and out of focus.
Possible Cause: You are observing the floor throught he bottom of your empty beer glass.
Solution: Quickly find someone willing to buy you another glass of beer. (Hint: See previous entry.)

6 Problem: Fluorecent lights have somehow migrated down to the wall.
Possible Cause: You have fallen on your back.
Solution: Loudly request that someone pick you up and guide you to the bar.

7 Problem: Your beer tastes flat and a little fruity.
Possible Cause: The Barman has poured you a glass of Cranberry juice by mistake.
Solution: Make way to the bar (See #6), and loudly protest the horrible injustice. Request compensation in the form of beer.

Based on a Russian version here.

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